1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
