i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
