Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found the puke drawer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
