my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
