so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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