my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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