I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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