what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
