kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
