I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
