I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I look better un-naked...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
honey bunches of taint.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
