I think scott just propositioned me for sex
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think your dad took our porno
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
