Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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