i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
