Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
