Plan B is the new Plan A
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
