So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
