Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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