i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
