I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
