I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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