It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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