i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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