Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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