it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
