Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Let's get the cat blown out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A bitchslap is in order.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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