the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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