He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
