I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
