hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
