been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
