And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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