I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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