he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
