I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
