i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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