i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
