I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize