She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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