Capitaan dildo arrescate!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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