Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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