If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize