if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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