these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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