Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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