What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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