I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
