Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize