I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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