Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
