I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize