Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
