puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
