i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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