After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
