If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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