Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
