I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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