Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
