Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
pray to the hookup gods
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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