He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
