Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
