the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
