we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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