He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need a beard to bite.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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