Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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