My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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