as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
