I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
