Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize