Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
