you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
