He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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