Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
