Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
