my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
