There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
