he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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