I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
