Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
