I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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