at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
