I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
