she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
