Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
