My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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