Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
