ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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