I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
