meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
