They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
