What a fucking waste of an outfit
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
