He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your penis caused this!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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