fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
