I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
