I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
