she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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