Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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