I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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