So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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