when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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