He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
