i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
