which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
