That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
