He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
