i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
