I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
