if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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