my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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