i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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