Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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