This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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