You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
