Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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